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A Life Update and a Farewell

It's been months since I've posted to this blog, so I felt a formal update was needed.

I struggled for four months with severe depression and I want to say THANK YOU so the ladies that understood what I was going through and were there to support me. I've never had such an emotional overhaul as I did a few months ago- but I want those special people to know that I am now MILES away from that dark place. =)

After about 2 weeks on the Zoloft I started feeling better. The new year started and things at work began to turn around for me. But I can't give all the credit to my happy pills... it all goes to God and what he's done in my life. I've been completely changed and I have never been more happy with where I am, who I am, and where I am going.

Chris and I are leading a small group now with close friends every week and we're pushing through the ever difficult Total Money Makeover with Dave Ramsey. It is SO HARD to save money when you're expecting a baby! All I want to do is buy, buy, buy!

If you're interested in the amazing grace I've found- I encourage you to visit LifeChurch.tv. There is a fully functional internet campus that plays live feed every weekend for anyone with access! We have network church all over the world and some in the UK. It is just unbelievable what Craig and the people at this church have done to my life...

So- on to more exciting news! We're having a baby boy! ::big big grin::

This is our little Mason Christopher sucking his thumb at 20weeks.

(This is the shot of his junk... great one, huh?)

And that was 10 weeks ago! I'm now 30 weeks pregnant and on the home stretch! I've had a few bumps in the road, including a whole week on bed rest, a fainting spell while driving on the interstate, and one scary trip to Labor and Delivery. But I'm healthy now and Mason is actually kicking the crap out of me as I type this. He's going to be such a brat... just like his mommy. =)

In more disheartening news, I've left the HP fandom. That was really all that was keeping me linked to LJ to begin with! (That and a friend with different opinions than mine that just can't handle the fact, but I digress...) I really don't have time to keep up with fanfiction and what not. I'm not interested in writing fanfiction or erotic romance any more. One day I will pick up writing romance again, but I'm going to keep it tasteful.

If you're at all interested in what I'm going to be up to, I started a new blog, Three First Names. My family and friends in RL will be keeping up with me there and you're more than welcome to, too.

I will miss SO many of you on here and I hope to reconnect with you again!!


Oh Noz!

I've been de-friended on the internets! No more keeping up with old friends to see how they're doing, I guess.

Can't say I'm upset about it, certain friend that I know can still read this, but I'm more annoyed that you went the extra mile to wipe me clean from your internet haunts.

I thought most of the roads in this country were two way... but it looks like a one way road I was traveling on.


I wanna be a rockstar

Took my first happy pill today... still not happy. Hmph.


About to POP!

Hope everyone had a MERRY MERRY Christmas- mine was relaxing and wonderful, thank you for asking. =)

I got a sapphire ring from Chris that was a HUGE surprise and I bawled like a pregnant lady when I opened it. Plus, he was really surprised with his watch that I miraculously found for a steal at JCPenny's. Our budget was only $50 for each other and that included Santa's stockings! It was hard to do, but we both stuck to the budget and it was a sweet Christmas. The gifts seemed to mean more this year b/c we had to put alot of thought into them... not necessarily alot of money.

We also got a new Nikon camera from my inlaws (I think it was kind of a "baby" gift, as well). yay! I'm downloading the software for it right now so I'll get some pics of the weekend up.

Work has been pretty tough lately and I'm not sure- but I might be taking a step back from full time for a little bit. I've been going through alot and the pregnancy hormones have triggered some sort of depression. that and I have pregnancy rhinitis- which basically means I have a 6 month long cold and have to sleep with a humidifier like a sickly child... that and my nose is forever spewing mucous. A never ending supply of mucous. Lovely.

I went home last Monday from another panic attack and was bombarded with some sort of intervention by my boss and coworker about going through depression. I had to take all sorts of screening tests and they all showed severe/moderate depression. So I'm not sure where I go from here... just that I know I need to get some help. It's not healthy to me or my baby to ignore the obvious signs. So, since I can't afford to see a therapist... or even a monthly prescription- I think my boss is going to pay for everything. He's just that kind of guy. It also helps that he went through a severe depression about 8 years ago and is still taking medication to ward it off. So he understands exactly what's going on. How I feel at times that we will just never have enough money to pay off this debt and live without worrying about money all the time. That sometimes I can't help but feel guilty for getting pregnant when we can't afford the medical bills and the ER bills and saving for when I want to take time off. That I get severe anxiety when I go to work and have to talk to customers. What? That is nothing like me! I've never been one to not want to talk to people... I just am not right. And I will be taking a break from certain things... such as the internet- until I have it all figured out. Right now, there are just more important things.

So- I will try to keep up with everyone, but I have already failed at commenting and posting in the last month, so who knows how I'll do.
High school made me hate life. I refuse to re-live it.

On a much more happier note: I GOT PIZZA FOR DINNER TONIGHT!

My husband is so amazingly wonderful. All I've wanted for the past three weeks is original crust, pepperoni pizza from Mazzio's. Oh, heaven! ::big grin::

And now I'm stuck watching 23 with Jim Carrey tonight b/c I wanted pizza and now he get's to choose the movie. blech. Anything with Jim Carrey and a sex scene is just gruesome to me. ::shiver::

I announced my pregnancy to facebook- that was so scary to do. B/c if I announce it there then it's official and I'm really going to have a baby. Oh noz! But then really I just felt relieved b/c it's out there and I don't feel like I'm skirting around anything any longer.

I'm off to work on my smut fic- it needs some tending to, me thinks.

It's Real Simple...

I found these in my magazine at lunch today and thought I would share:

In lieu of the New Year, Real Simple magazine has a brilliant piece with lists by several classic celebrities.

What is on their to-do list for 2009, you ask?

JK Rowling
- Stare expectantly at fireplace.
- Give up; light fire.
- Recite mantra: No more magic.
- Sit down to work. Open folder:
"Larry Porter and the List of Decidedly Non-Magical Book Ideas."
- Break for lunch. Stare expectantly at package of sandwich bread.
- Give up; make sandwich.
- Decide which Harry Potter character should come out of the closet next.
- Do dishes.
- Roll in money.

Bill Gates
*circa 1975
- Clean out work space in garage.
- Finish term paper... Never mind.
- Have heart-to-heart with girlfriend; find out why she thinks I have trust issues.
- Finish reading that Andrew Carnegie biography.
- Give spare change to UNICEF kid.
- Work on plan for new high-tech computer monitor that can display color other than green or amber.
- Get refund from that psychic who said I'd have a career in "windows."
- Find a bowl. It's time for haircut!

::hysterically laughing::
I've been listening to Christmas music nonstop this week... I think I'm going Christmas crazy. ::cackle::

Meme because I said soCollapse )

So- I took a mini break from my Original story idea (just a small one, I've been working very diligently on it, though I failed NaNo without a doubt FAILED)... so I took a break b/c at lunch one day I perused FF.net which is a bad idea b/c it's just so horrible. But anyway, I found this story that has a good premise... but let's face it, it's horrible- and I subjected myself to it b/c it had something about it the intrigued me. And there was this great sub-plot going on that was very devious and then she just totally took the fade-to-black escape route and pussed out of it!!

So I'm going to take that idea, make it a better, much more smutty idea and write a three part smut fic. Yay! Stay tuned.

Need some help, please

I am trying to amp up my layout a bit and I have a pic that I need to add some text to. Any one here have a photoshop program that can do that b/c I definitely do NOT have anything but Paint. Shameful, I know. But alas I am too poor for that stuff...

Also- I embarrassingly do not know how to make a simple layout with just a header at the top with my entries below it. Anyone know some good, simple layout codes for that?

That evil sparkly skin of a killer!

Twilight sucked my brains out.

I have no more brains.

Rob should wear Raybans more often. And I like it when vampires kiss.

That's all.

No brains = post later.