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1. Scissor cuts paper
2. paper covers rock
3. rock crushes lizard
4. lizard poisons spock
5. spock smashes scissors
6. scissors decapitates lizard
7. lizard eats paper
8. paper disproves spock
9. spock vaporizes rock
10. rock crushes scissors

I used to be a rock… but spock vaporized me.

Spock, of course, being life… or possibly baby.

I had a panic attack Monday… and I almost feel like I’m going to have another one any minute now.

I’ve never had a panic attack before- but for some reason when I got to work, everything hit me square in the face. It was like getting smashed by a bus. And it hurt. Bad,

Before I knew it, I was shaky, unable to focus on anything and I just started crying uncontrollably. I couldn’t cope with anything! I called my boss and said, I need to go home, there’s something wrong with me and I’m so sorry. And with that, I left. There was nothing else I could do. I went home and cried for two hours until Chris finally ran home to make sure I was okay. I wasn’t okay- not in the slightest! There is NO reason for my hormones to have been the cause of all this.

Now Chris is scared that I have the pregnancy blues (kind of like post pardem depression… just pre pardum, or idk). Please don’t make me make a decision, or talk about work, or talk about money or anything that I need to do that I haven’t done. I just don’t want to talk. Period.

We talked about my stepping down from my manager position at work- there’s way too much focus on selling. Sell sell sell!! I can’t handle it! I just want to be a paper pusher for a while, is that so much to ask? But I just can’t make myself tell the bosses that. I have such a perfect thing going here, such a great opportunity to make MONEY and be SUCCESSFUL. But is it costing me my sanity?

I almost have a hunch that Chris went back to work Monday and tried to figure up the budget and see if we could live on just his salary. What happened to me, emotionally and physically, Monday can NOT happen again- because I was a trainwreck. And trainwrecks kill unborn babies. (that sounds horrible, but it’s true)

How am I supposed to take care of a child if I can’t even take care of myself??
Well, I suppose this is long overdue…almost a whole two months!! What the hell…
If you haven’t guess it yet (pointing to icon), I’ve been MIA for a reason. (albeit, quite a silly one). That’s right, friends, this is one doodle that cannot be undid. =)

Pregnant! I am 8wks along and have already been to the doctor and gotten my first ultrasound- baby’s heartbeat was strong and I’m doing fine! So, prayers or thoughts or whatever you give would be LOVED. I just need to get through the next two months and I’ll stop worrying so much.

It’s been constant nausea for the past week… which I totally expected. Even welcomed with open arms! But hell- this sucks! Also… I think I’ve slept an average of 10 hour a night for the past two weeks. I swear to Merlin I wake up tired.

I don’t plan on telling the RL virtual world (is, facebook/myspace) until after Christmas when I will be in my 2nd trimester. Just in case, you know… the unthinkable happens, I don’t want to have to deal with people being like, “How is the baby?” Yada yada yada. So I waits.

I’ve been working away at my smutty_claus fic and I finished it EARLY (I know, like whoa) and have already turned it in. Thank you betta329 for being so awesome and helping me with that.

I am working on my NaNo now- I know I’m a bit late, but I’ve got a plot and crazy idea that I could ever finish a romance/fantasy trilogy. Yes, yes, romance trilogies are total cliché (thanks, Nora Roberts) but I love my idea. It originally stemmed from an AU marauder idea but I made it too AU in my head and it wasn’t even James, Sirius, and Remus any more. They molded into these totally different men that I can’t get rid of (and their hawt, mind you)
So soon you will be hearing about my tales of Prince Phin, Trystan, and Raef of the Luxe kingdom as they battle Emperor Byron in Duren. Or something like that… erm.

It’s good to be back! Don’t let me do this again- no more 1.5 month mia’s, mmkay?

Death of a Computer...

Pronglet died. Stupid stupid HP! Why do you have to be so effing retarded?

So I'm just sitting happily typing away on little Pronglet, nothing but butterflies and blog in my mind and WHAM. Mozilla is Not Responding. WTF? So I turn him off and start him back up...



omg omg no no what the hell no omg why me!!

My hard drive did a bunk. Just decided that it didn't want to work, hence... stopped working. I lost all my files. Writing, stories, research, icons, pictures. Everything. I only had movies and music backed up. I'd only had the damn thing for 3 weeks!! I hadn't even thought about backing up my doc files!

betta329 and her hubby, Steven "Whiz Kidd," were luckily coming to town the next day. We spent all evening running around Tulsa trying to find a hard drive like it to replace a part and try to salvage the data.. but no. Nothing could be done.

I want to extend the most heart felt thank you to betta329 and Steven for trying so hard to help my through this. You know how devastated I as about it and I couldn't have kept a sane bone in my body without you two. You guys are seriously some of the best friends I've ever had!

Pronglet has been mailed away to LaLa land and is expected to make a full recovery and be back a week from today. I need to catch up on Friends List and post some stuff later tonight. I watch The Biggest Loser adamently, so I will be doing that for two hours and then I will be back.

BTW, lady_ceky recced this community:It's beautiful. Check it out.


join inyourlight!

It's beautiful. Check it out.

Utter destruction

Watching the VMAs. Chaos. Russell Brand is a dick. I can't stand this asshole. And WTF! He just cut RPatts off and and I hate his fucking guts!!

Shut up about Bush and the election you British bastard! You are not entitled to an opinion! You British people and your words. (apologize UK friends... totally do NOT mean you.)I mean... he can have his opinion, but to take up 10 effing minutes of air time on a major award show to tell US who to vote for is bullshit. ARG! i just hate him. alot.


On an even worse note... Colts are LOSING. First game of the season and their sitting around with their fingers up their arses. omg effing kill me now.

I'm angry at the world tonight. and interestingly enough, I was fine until I turned on MTV. Teenagers and rap music, and dickwad brand have just pissed me off.

Fic Sign Up

smutty_claus sign-ups for watchers starts at midnight tonight! There's already about 35 slots filled out of 80. I plan on submitting first thing tomorrow morning if I can!

Anyone else?
If you were stranded on an island with a fictional character, who would it be and why?
Well- my obvious choice would be James Potter because then we could spend all our time ravishing each other and forgetting our other obvious significant others. But then I think about it just a tad longer - ten more seconds, to be exact - and I think I would rather be with Sirius Black. He's SO much more fun! And I will need entertainment on the island, for sure.

Sirius. Final answer.
Greetings from Pronglet, my new and shiny laptop computer!

My husband finally gave in a let me spend some money on a new laptop. My other one, Prongs, died a tragic IE explorer death... but Pronglet will live in his memory!

Hopefully now I can get some writing done (which doesn't happen at the desktop in the middle of the living room), and update more often from the comfort of my bed. thank you.


I utterly failed at xmas fic exchange last season, but I still feel compelled to enter another exchange! I think I have better discipline now and more confidence to write and post!

snegurochka_lee is one of my absolute favorite porn writers and I think she may pick up my prompt over at erotic_elves! I'm tempted to pick up a prompt if the community goes through with the exchange.

Any one entering a holiday fic exchange this year? It's about that time!

Oh Em Gee

Emotionally Retarded... that's me.

I'm indifferent to life.

Two weeks ago, I was excited about life. Excited about something, anyways. I had things to say, people to see, projects to work on, and plans to make. If you asked me today- How was your day, Laura? I would say... meh. Nothing happened. I'm tired... I'm going to watch tv and go to bed.


I don't care about anything. I mean- I care. I'm not, like, depressed or suicidal or anything like that. I still love my life and everyone it and where I am right now. But I feel like I've hit an emotional plateau. I don't feel like I'm going up hill... nor down hill. I'm stagnant.

It's so weird to feel like this!! And I know I'm not explaining it well enough. It's hard to put into words... lol, it's ineffable. (which, coincidentally, I am too!)

Helped my mom with some wedding invitations tonight. We are throwing my cousin a bridal shower in September and my mother is obsessing over our home made invites. I swear, I could have taken this project by the horns and had it done in one day- but no, my mother is being so damned anal about everything that it's taking a month! It doesn't have to be perfect, MOM!!

I don't have time for this shit. I have Olympics to watch.


Something of interest to you... I found two fics today that were pure gems!

This one I found at nest_of_spiders.

By zapeek, Denial
L/J three shot.
-->The third chapter is what made me love it. Mostly just the ending. It made me feel warm and fuzzy inside.

And then on a whim of genius, I found

The Anatomy of a Bromance by Whilhelmina Willoughby.
-->It's brilliant!

And It Burns Like Me For You, also by Wilhelmina.
-->HOT, great concept.

Edit: Thank you to everyone's encouraging words. It means alot to me while I'm still trying to get over this loss. Appreciate every single one of you!

*flying kisses*